Timewarp / Identity Shift

 When out in public with a young baby, you're bound to be the recipient of comments such as:

"They grow up so fast."

"You'll blink and she will be 12."  

"Enjoy every moment while they're little." 

"She'll be graduating high school before you know it." 

I do understand the concept that "time flies"; however, given that I'm spending on average 4-5+ hours per day sitting in my nursing chair (or other breastfeeding-friendly apparatus), the days sometimes feel like they drag on. (FYI: That equates to almost one fifth of the day, or the equivalent of 76 days throughout the course of the year. Let that sink in.)

In the same breath, I have been astounded when I find my weekly vitamins organizer empty yet again, when I swear it was just two days ago that I refilled it for the following seven.

People often say: "Doesn't it feel like you can hardly remember your life before them." This is a sentiment that does not resonate with me. Certainly, I recognize the identity shift that has unfolded. The mother-me is a different person than the pre-child version of me. However, at this stage - 15 weeks into it - I feel resolutely that the pre-child me is a more familiar person. This is not to say that I am not cherishing and embracing whole-heartedly the new identity I embody; but I've lived for 32 years as an individual (and a partner - okay and dog Mum too), and only less than a third of a year as a mother. We transition through different identities throughout our lives, and I am just getting to know this new version of me.

Quite literally for the first 3-5 weeks post-partum, I had moments where I didn't even recognize myself.... and what an unsettling feeling that is. The emotional coping skills I have developed over three decades were suddenly nowhere to be found when I needed to tap into them. The impact of postpartum hormones cannot be overstated. I feel that I was drastically unprepared for that.