Sunday, July 14, 2013

Untitled


I find writing liberating. I love being able to express my feelings in phrases that cannot be interrupted by anything except my own thoughts. I love being able to delicately chose words that fit. I love having the power to backspace and re-think things before they're out there. Writing is grounding. Writing is relieving.

Yesterday, I found absolute contentment in being alone. I laid in the sun alone, I swam in the pools alone, I adventured up the mountain alone, I encountered a bear alone, again I soaked in the hot springs alone, and then I went for a bike ride alone. Somehow in all of this lone time, there was never a feeling of loneliness. Having time all to yourself, especially when it's at the top of a mountain with not a person for who knows how far, really allows for you to check in with yourself. Much like the way a team of people would debrief after completing a job, I believe that individuals mustn't forget to debrief with themselves.

It is not always that my thoughts chain together in a clean-cut composition. Today is one of those days for a coagulation of incomplete ramblings.

It's Friday night and the sun was set hours ago. I sat on the roof of our backyard shed and watched as the mountains transition from yellow to orange, then pink to red, to just a silhouette in the darkness. This got me thinking; what are people around the world doing if not atop a shed?

Somewhere in Budapest a man sips on a cold beer. Some place in the world there is an old woman gasping for her last breaths of life, about to leave her loved ones behind. In Belgium there is a man and a woman sharing a precious moment with their newborn child. In China, there is a man whose heart is so badly shattered that he can't imagine his life will ever be as good as it were. In Peru, a mother reprimands her children for disobeying her requests. In France someone is overcoming their fear of heights by jumping out of an airborne plane. In the wheat fields of Idaho a nearly-retired farmer checks the irrigation system on his crops. In Kenya, there is a group of young people sitting hand-in-hand in a circle sharing their gift of music with one another. And all over the world people are engaging in activities that the remainder of the human race is oblivious to. We are so insignificant. Yet we each posses so incredibly much power. The world is an intricate place. Not a soul will ever see all that there is to see, or know all that there is to know. There is not a person who will ever manage to fathom the breadth of the globe; the world at large.

Here is some Modest Mouse because this song title somehow made its way into my ramblings. And because Modest Mouse is a musical and lyrical genius. And because music is medicine.



Goodnight World. Thank you for another day.

Thursday, July 11, 2013

Longing for the Sea


It was in Halifax that I decided I needed to spend my summer amongst the mountains that had been so lacking in my Nova Scotian life.  And it is tonight, as I lay immersed in my wish- this incredible valley- that I realize how badly I long for the ocean once again.

Why is it that the absence of something sometimes goes more noticed than the presence of something else equally appealing? Sometimes is in italics because most often I prefer to concentrate on the gift I have in front of me as apposed to marvelling over what I am missing out on. With every opportunity comes an opportunity cost; one of the fundamental principals of Economics, which I learned this year at university should really just be called "Life".

By no means am I expecting an answer to this vast question, but I find it most curious.

People that have come here to Fairmont from Ontario and are astonished at the Rocky Mountains ask me, "Do the mountains ever lose their enchantment since you grew up with them?" I reply that I hope it never comes to the point where I take for granted the mountains enough to lose their compelling beauty to my eyes. Even after 18 years of growing up on the foot of a mountain, I have not once looked at a mountain and failed to see some sort of brilliance.

I am happy here. Very content. Grateful for the incredible nature that surrounds us. Today, probably my 6th or 7th time hiking the Hoodoo's, I was still in awe as I looked out over Dutch Creek and down upon the eroded rock formations. Tonight however, I can't help but think about the ocean. It must have been the lake we drove by, Columbia Lake, which had white caps scattered across the lake's surface that got me thinking about the ocean.

I long for the salty air passing through my hair as I bike along the Sea Wall in Coal Harbour. I long for the Government Dock in Deep Cove where I sit to enjoy the full moon or where I plunge into the dark waters to cool off on a hot summers day. I long for the crash of the waves into the beaches of Negril. I long for the liberating experience of skinny dipping in the ocean surrounding Keats Island. I long for the route I run through Point Pleasant Park that takes me along the shores of the Halifax Harbour. I long for the ferry waves to thrash our helpless bodies into the barnacle-coated rocks of Bowen Island. I long to play with the little white jelly fish that loiter around the dock in Deep Cove. I long to lie on a surfboard off of Lawrencetown Beach and peacefully float over the waves before they gained momentum and crash into surfer territory. I long for the snorkel and fins I have used in various tropical destinations to see clownfish, turtles, eels and barracudas. I long for the swing set at Second Beach that overlooks the waters of English Bay. I long to paddle the canoe across the Burrard Inlet to Belcarra Park and play a game of frisbee. I long to ride "5 Wincks" up to the West Van Yacht Club Outstation, and dive off the bow of the boat. I long to sit in a scull at 6am and watch seals pop up to the surface to catch a breath. I long to sit out on the deck of the ferry ride from Horseshoe Bay to Langdale. I long for a swim from the dock at the end of Strathcona to that little island of an unknown name. I long for the radiant phosphorescence in the sea caves of Phuket. I long to jump off the high ramp of the government dock in all my clothing so that my white shirt becomes see-through.

I couldn't tell you what it is about this day, but today the ocean is prevalent in my thoughts.

The silly thing is, as soon as I depart from the mountains and return to the sea, these feelings of longing will likely reoccur. Only this time, the mountains will be the ones ingrained in my every thought.

However sad it is, a blogger that goes under the name "la couturier", wrote in her post "pearls of wisdom: wanting what you can't have", an excerpt that holds much truth:
It's only human nature to want what we can't have- you know, something along the lines of that good old adage about "the grass being greener on the other side."

Thursday, July 4, 2013

Happy Fiftieth to my Papa!





Wall of Gratitude


I am laying in "Princess Bed" at 11:30am enjoying a morning of total relaxation.  To my left, the sun shines steady through the window providing natural light to every corner of the room. Outside the window I see trees standing tall, with branches flickering in the light breeze. The sparse clouds are motionless, lingering, it seems forever, in the radiant blue sky. Directly to my right is our "Wall of Gratitude". Within the first few days of arriving in Fairmont, I posted a piece of paper on our wall titled, "Paper of Gratitude". And so, anytime there is something we are thankful for, we can write it on the list to acknowledge how much gratitude there is to be had. I find that this makes me much more conscious of amazing little things that I should never take for granted. It's incredible how much happier you can be when you take time to appreciate the things passing through your life.

Here is what's on our (ever-growing) "Wall of Gratitude" thus far:

1. Love headlamps!
2. MOUNTAINS
3. Elaineeeeeeeeeeeee
4. guitaring, drumming, singing, harmonica'ing
5. Les + Sophie
6. my two feet & eyes & ears
7. cuddles 'n' lovin'
8. mothers!!! so much nurture!
9. sunshine beating down on our pretty faces
10. Our friend Ali. So chum
11. My friends! My bike! Smoothies and Hoodoos
12. LOVE LAUGHING
13. Helmet Naps
14. Being on something stronger than electricity
15. SEEDS THAT GROW! I love you so much
16. 428
17. Bike rides through puddles
18. concentrate on today
19. Diva Cup for being so loyal!
20. DANCE CHURCH
21. so much gratitude for bicycles
22. Tipi times
23. "I'm not a Beefeater" - Felicity
24. Sam's shirt... "Always on Deck"
25. flipping fantastic coworkers that make work so much fun