Reflections on a Halloween party gone wrong.

The other night I mustered up the courage to confront somebody, very respectfully, who somehow thought it was acceptable to joke about sexual assault, indicating that he was “being raped”; a reference to his performance during a game of beer pong.

Gently, I introduce myself and mention that a few minutes earlier I had overheard his comment that left me disheartened and extremely uncomfortable. I left out the part that I was completely disturbed by the unbelievable ignorance of some members of the human race.

In a defensive manner, this person tried to justify his actions by saying, “It’s okay, I’m Australian - we’re thick skinned” as if that grants him social license to make light of trauma faced by an unsettling portion of the female population. Better yet, as I patiently respond to that weak claim, this individual had such little respect, and enough audacity, to Snapchat a photo of himself with a hang-loose sign while I invest my emotional labour into his personal enlightenment. Instead of having the decency to recognize wrongdoing or accept responsibility, this person did essentially just that by cowardly escaping the conversation through the convenience of his phone.

I believe, from the depths of my heart, that I must have changed at least a diminutive piece of his perspective, even if the immediate results are underwhelming. Yet this individual did not have the courage to show even the subtlest of signs that he had heard me out.

I’ve lost a whole lot of faith in humanity. And at the same time, gained a whole heap of appreciation that I have to engage in that kind of interaction only once in a blue moon. For that, I am fortunate. I must recognize the privilege I hold in that I do not have to encounter beings like this on a regular basis, and that in the situations when I do, I am mortified enough that it brings me to tears.

After driving home with tears pouring out of my teardrums and my heart as heavy as a sunken vessel; I sent this text out to my good friend:

“I’m at home, safe in my bed with a hot cup of tea. Thank you tremendously for your support and comfort! I didn’t expect that conversation to leave me so upset but I guess it just struck a chord.”

For the mere fact that I had friends who supported me through the aftermath, I am ever grateful. For the thought that I have people who care about my well-being; I express sincere gratitude.

For all we know, the individual with whom I had this unfortunate encounter tonight; he may not be so lucky as to have this. And for the reason of these unknowns, I keep an open heart and an open mind. We each come from a different place of lived experiences and until I know their full story, I cannot loose faith in the human race over one poor, benighted soul. 

“You know what you know, and you don’t know what you don’t know.”