Duality & Adaptability

October 07, 2025

Duality & Adaptability

All of a sudden, I've found myself on a Saturday night researching the Dyson V15 vs. Shark Santos vacuum cleaners. Not sure when this happened, but I guess this is adulting and I've arrived.

We are one and a half months into home ownership and four months away from parenthood. Perhaps that's how this happened.

I'm feeling endlessly excited for the journey ahead, while reckoning with the intermittent grief of my carefree youthful self. Starting to grasp the paradoxical; that it's okay to feel a longing for the way things used to be, while holding immense enthusiasm for what is to come.

I was mentioning to Max in the car the other day that it feels like all we do during our drives together is review To-Do Lists:

Hang shelves in storage room
Move money into TFSA
Research heat pumps + order
Shop for table & chairs
Troubleshoot Roomba issue

... and on, and on.

Embracing the paradoxical. I'm grateful beyond belief for this new home that we are slowly nesting into. Enjoying the stream of guests coming to visit, the cozy Fall moments, the opportunity to make it our own; and also feeling like I've become that boring person who talks about heat pumps at any chance I get.

Both feelings are valid - two things can be true at the same time.

I'm discovering that pregnancy hormones are a real thing. Some days I feel like a crotchety old man; never knowing what might set me off. Other days, I feel like as tender as a fresh baked loaf - exploding with softness and gentle care. Cue: Bill Wither's Tender Things.

Finding my Koselig: a Norwegian term for a feeling of deep coziness, contentment, warmth, and well-being, often achieved by enjoying simple pleasures

- like reading a good book (The Women by Kristin Hannah) with sun pouring through the windows

- like making a GIANT delectable harvest salad to feed us throughout the work week

- like enjoying a cappuccino out of a mug handmade by a dear friend who wasn't pleased with how much the mug shrunk in the kiln - the perfect size for an afternoon coffee

- like hanging the evil eye amulet from my brother & sister in-law in the kitchen window - with that sweet fall sunlight and leaf senescence

In the Kootenays, the transition into Fall is synonymous with larch season. Larches are incredible for so many reasons:

They are both deciduous & coniferous. Duality: two things can be true at once.
They are incredibly resilient, surviving harsh mountain environments and fires due to their thick bark and ability to bend in high winds.
Indigenous folks weave this tree species into spiritual beliefs about transformation, renewal, adaptability, and the courage to embrace new beginnings.

This dawning metaphor resonated with me while I was hiking on a 4-day trek through the larch magic in Kootenay National Park. The slow emergency of new life. Doing up my backpack's hip belt on a 22-week distended belly was not comfortable; therefore, the 60-70% of the weight that should be transferred to your hips on a well-fitted backpack was compressing on my back and shoulders. Sleeping on an inflatable sleeping pad when you are not supposed to sleep on your back or stomach was also less-than-ideal; constantly repositioning from left side to right - and we all know what rustling sleeping bags sound like to your tentmates.

I am trying to embrace my changing body. I am in awe of the resilience; what the pregnant body is capable of. While also feeling inconvenienced by the disobliging aspects of pregnancy; the strange sciatica symptoms, the increased leukorrhea, the fatigue, the tender breasts (do not let them get cold!), the clothes not fitting...

And yet, I am in admiration that this body - despite all the changes - could carry me across 55km and up (and back down again), 3,000 meters.

While I was on this trip, some close friends of mine were scheduled to be induced for birthing their first child. Being out of service and unable to receive delivery updates, I found myself guessing the name they chose for their little girl. Somehow, one of my guesses (of only a few I came up with) - Pheonix - was indeed the name!

Pheonix - like the larches - are mythologically known for their cyclical regeneration from their own ashes, symbolic of transformation, renewal and resilience.